Struggling to annually clean ($550,000) + evade taxes ($1,000,000) earned from illegal business (a lot of progress has been made, need new feedback)!

[TheRichBeDamned]

For those who are not familiar with my posts here, I'm running an illegal business by night out of a legitimate business. Please disregard the role that the legitimate business plays in the operation, just make a mental note that my legitimate company employees all of the illegal employees that I reference below. The business does not work with high quantities of cash, so all of this money is in a bank account, which I would be paying taxes on at the end of each year (hopefully not lol). Here we go:

$550,000 is the net remainder to be cleaned to pay the remainder of my employees salaries (around 5 employees). The apparent struggle is paying my employees what they've illegally earned, since this amount is 10x what someone in their "career" and "position" should be making. I need more lucrative ways to have this money in their hands (it's fine if they pay taxes on it) without raising suspicion. I've taken some of your advice and thus far cleaned a chunk of their money by:

A) declaring a reasonable portion of their illegal profits as their legitimate salary
B) outsourcing work through them (cleaning, marketing, etc)

Now $1,000,000 to evade taxes on... in the eyes of the government, this is the retained profits at the end of the year that I've earned from running the front-business. This money has already been organically cleaned and is sitting in a US bank account. I know there are a lot of methods for tax evasion like not having to pay taxes on gifts, sending invoices for services that never existed (I'll be sure to stage that they actually did happen), etc, but my problem is how the fuck can I justify spending 80% of my retained $1,000,000 profits on gifts and whatever else?

I can't see how this can be viewed as anything but irregular in the government's eyes, UNLESS I capitalize on offshore banking in some way, so the US government doesn't actually know that I'm spending (withdrawing) the retained profits?? The US government will inevitably see how much I'm earning (since the business is not a cash business and they see all the payments directly to the company's bank account), but if I annually transfer all the retained profits to an offshore account, they'll have no clue that those retained profits are being cashed out immediately. This only works because the offshore banks will be corrupted and not ask questions of the source of the money, but of course I'll have to dish out a percentage (less than what I'd be paying in US tax) to the boss.

*Important side notes if the offshore thought is flawed and you have other recommendations for the major tax evasion:

I'm fine with never returning to the US; however, when it comes to high risk shit the timing will be an issue. As the title states, the $1,000,000 needs to be cleaned annually, so I can't immediately run if this is what your plan relies on. It could work if I magically didn't have to pay taxes for years until I had the total chunk of money, then I just take off, but obviously this is not the reality.

Any help is majorly appreciated, even if just a random tweak/idea/question! Together we will fuck over the greedy scums known as the government hahaha

EDIT 1: I'm aware of how the business needs to be carefully structured and other minor things not mentioned above. Also, it'll be a red flag for companies to transfer all their sitting money to an offshore account, but I can't see it being illegal in any sense, since the plausibility deniability would be claiming the money is being re-invested, etc. As long as the company is outside of US jurisdiction and isn't obligated to reveal information about transactions etc, this should be fine

 

[anonhax0r]

* Consider just paying your taxes. Worst case, that's $350k of the $1,000,000. That $350k massively reduces risk of criminal prosecution for tax evasion. Also reduces chances of audit, which could lead to doscivery of your criminal enterprise.

* Hire a top tax /asset protection lawyer. You can afford it. Every successful business person, criminal or not, has the same problems as you. There are plenty of ways to massively reduce taxes while minimizing jail risk. DIY = FAIL. or worse, jail. Just like if you represent yourself in a criminal case

* Offshoring. Not a DIY task. You need the right lawyers. Much more complicated and dificult than it once was. The panama papers cases make fascinaing reading.

* Mindset upgrade. "Im a god fearing law abiding tax paying patriot" > "fuck over the greedy scums known as the government" if you want to stay out of jail.

 

[HospitalEvil]

* Consider just paying your taxes. Worst case, that's $350k of the $1,000,000. That $350k massively reduces risk of criminal prosecution for tax evasion. Also reduces chances of audit, which could lead to doscivery of your criminal enterprise.

* Hire a top tax /asset protection lawyer. You can afford it. Every successful business person, criminal or not, has the same problems as you. There are plenty of ways to massively reduce taxes while minimizing jail risk. DIY = FAIL. or worse, jail. Just like if you represent yourself in a criminal case

* Offshoring. Not a DIY task. You need the right lawyers. Much more complicated and dificult than it once was. The panama papers cases make fascinaing reading.

* Mindset upgrade. "Im a god fearing law abiding tax paying patriot" > "fuck over the greedy scums known as the government" if you want to stay out of jail.

I understand that simply paying taxes may be the best approach here, by no means am I entirely against it - I just figured I wouldn't allude to that being a possibility for the sake of encouraging new ideas. If you think there's no chance at getting away with evasion though (which many seem to think) then I appreciate you asserting your opinion. The only reason I'm so adamant on exploring my options is because the grand figure is not that much (only enough to retire me for life without investing), so once you take 40% of that each year it completely changes my living status

I have thought about hiring a good tax guy to help minimize what I'd owe, but it seems very very difficult dealing with figures to this extent. Not the figure (because I know billionaires hire the same people), more so the problem being that the true business is illegitimate, and despite presenting itself as a legal entity (and operating as such), some things may not overlap. For example, reallocating the *vast majority* of retained profits (in attempt to reduce tax) doesn't sound like something the majority of business owners would do if they wanted their business to thrive. It could be an issue if decisions like these are seen as more than mere irrational business decisions and rather creep into suspicious, red flag territory. Having this conversation with a lawyer doesn't sound like the best decision either, so I've been putting it off.

Thanks for the comment.

 

[nbagod]

I understand that simply paying taxes may be the best approach here, by no means am I entirely against it - I just figured I wouldn't allude to that being a possibility for the sake of encouraging new ideas. If you think there's no chance at getting away with evasion though (which many seem to think) then I appreciate you asserting your opinion. The only reason I'm so adamant on exploring my options is because the grand figure is not that much (only enough to retire me for life without investing), so once you take 40% of that each year it completely changes my living status

I have thought about hiring a good tax guy to help minimize what I'd owe, but it seems very very difficult dealing with figures to this extent. Not the figure (because I know billionaires hire the same people), more so the problem being that the true business is illegitimate, and despite presenting itself as a legal entity (and operating as such), some things may not overlap. For example, reallocating the *vast majority* of retained profits (in attempt to reduce tax) doesn't sound like something the majority of business owners would do if they wanted their business to thrive. It could be an issue if decisions like these are seen as more than mere irrational business decisions and rather creep into suspicious, red flag territory. Having this conversation with a lawyer doesn't sound like the best decision either, so I've been putting it off.

Thanks for the comment.

HAVE A TRUSTED COUNSELOR.
HAVE A TRUSTED COUNSELOR.
HAVE A TRUSTED COUNSELOR.

And give the person the following ideas:
1. Issue company gift card, and report it stolen or defrauded. When actually customers brought gift card, you have to redeem it. Unfortunately there's been a theft or counterfeiting, and you have to redeem counterfeit/stolen cards, so it's a loss on the book.
2. Get some remote connection in other countries set up companies, preferably tech companies, and buy digital service from them. India is good for customer support companies, and Indian officials can be easily bribed last time I checked.
3. Buy material/equipment you need for the business, if it's needed. For example, buy computer parts if you are a electronics store, and let it depreciate. Buy steel if you are a factory, and either let it set there, or report it as loss because the quality is not good for the job. You can say you got defrauded by a Chinese steel exporter and in no way the Chinese government is going to help with the investigation, considering the geopolitics.

Here comes the best idea
4. Pay me $500 retainer as a second advisor. I have a lot more knowledge across all filed. Disclaimer: I am not a expert lawyer, but I'm in touch with the deeper criminal world.