Im so sad and angry i keep failing at this and wasting money

[HoodNinjaS]

I dont know what to say really. Im from a dogshit 3rd world country and the pay is low. Managed to get enough money to have 100usd of benumb credit, which is basically 4-6 cards. The gas fees an transaction fees on converting crypto to BTC and then put in the benumb wallet is also killing me. There is no direct cash->BTC where I am because crypto transactions dont really go through so I have to buy giftcards and convert them which basically knocks 20 percent off what I buy. I already lost like half of the money I put cause of these stuff. So I go into benumb and deposit in it. I buy a card and do the usual proxy, timezone change , use anti detect browser like palemoon, use user agent, also done through a VM. I also did it through my main OS just incase they detect im in a VM as well as use normal google chrome browser on main OS and then on VM. Literally none of these methods worked. And to top it off, RDP is just insanely expensive. All the so called 2D stores I tried to go to had a verification check or just declined the transaction. I used the nonVBV bins list I got from looking around dread as well and put it as a filter benumb and still didn't work. I've wasted so much money and I think I have like 50 dollars left in my benumb wallet. It's just making me so fucking sad I also dont feel like talking to anyone irl about this or any feeling at all because there is no one to trust and no one will understand this. All the money I used on this carding attempt was legit as well. I really need help with this shit I have no one to talk to about this its so fucked.
And to top it off, I just cant stop thinking about this girl I met recently after so many years. I know I cant have her. I never have had these thoughts about her for years cause I didnt have to see her much irl but now because of some stuff i cant control I have to. Its also killing me so much. I just wish there was like an easy way out where I could die and not make it look like a suicide like getting killed in a car accident or just having some bomb go off. Dont want people to think I suicided.
Please dont comment stuff like "you need to research more and buy guides", Ive done that so much, the truth I think is that all methods floating around are atleat 2+ years old and are just re-worded constantly. The security is just so good in 2022, the guides on this subdread might have worked in 2015 I think cause I did literally everything except doing on a RDP, I did it on a VM.
This is the only time I have expressed my real feelings. I am so sad and angry at the same time, there is no place for me to show these emotions as well. I have never told these stuff to anyone irl. This is one of the reasons I just want to live alone I just want to vent myself and swear whenever I have the urge to and smash things around my house.

 

[HellCatOG]

so basically you so sad and angry because you can't fuck your girl?

 

[HoodNinjaS]

so basically you so sad and angry because you can't fuck your girl?

yes and also cause i wasted so much time on this carding stuff that in my stupid head was a full proof way to get easy money

 

[FreeTJ]

Same situations is happening with me belongs to fucking poor third world fucking hard to spare money to buy carding stuff barely I arranged and banged i fucked up with declines

 

[ImposterJack]

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